Finding a Therapist: Why is it so hard?

August 2025

I remember a family member coming to me, not too long ago, and asking for help because she could not work out what therapy would be best for her child. I had advised her to look on Google for "therapists/counsellors near her [plus location]" and to try some of the counselling directories (1). She had done this, but came away feeling confused, and was very clear in explaining to me why; the profiles felt jargonistic. I suspect this happens often, and people end up feeling completely overwhelmed. This is because there are a high number of therapists offering a vast range of modalities. Additionally, those modalities are often not explained, and make little sense to the majority of people. The family member wondered: how do you know what therapeutic modalities may be best for you, or for your child? And, if you have worked that part out, how do you then find the "right" therapist for you within that? I would suggest that there is more than one way to find your therapist.

Bringing creative elements into the therapy.

At Riverway Therapies, I believe that healing begins with feeling truly seen and heard. This might sound simplistic and somewhat clichéd, but having someone alongside you and listening, without judgement, is very powerful and validating. It sets up the therapeutic relationship and helps build trust. The relationship is central to all of my work, whether that is with a child, an adult, or a family group. I want to understand you and what has led you to feel the way you do today. I believe that the most significant impact on therapeutic outcomes is through the therapeutic relationship (or "alliance"). Furthermore, research has indicated that the therapeutic relationship is one of the key factors in improved therapeutic outcomes (2). Carl Rogers (founder of Person-Centred Therapy) also stated:

In my early professional years, I was asking the question, How can I treat, or cure, or change this person? Now I would phrase the question in this way: How can I provide a relationship which this person may use for his [or her, or their] own personal growth?

This needs to be emphasised, because one of the ways you will find your therapist or counsellor, is through hearing or reading about them and their "way of being". What I mean by this is how they are when they are with you and how you may experience them. I hold empathy, unconditional positive regard and genuineness as core values. I also apply a social justice and attachment (3) and trauma lens to the work. I believe that my interest in understanding your experience means that I work with curiosity and immediacy. Immediacy is the therapist noticing what is coming up for them, which can help demonstrate an attunement and authenticity towards the client. Therefore, my way of being is woven into the way I work with the modalities that hold the most influence for me. When looking for your therapist, you may want to find out more about how they work, and the values they hold as central to the therapeutic process. How do you feel when you read the therapist's profile, or their information on a website? Does it resonate or click? If the therapist or counsellor offers a free call, would you take up this opportunity, and what do you think might help you in your decision-making? I might ask:

How would I, as your client, experience you in a session? What would it feel like to be in counselling - or therapy - with you?

I have emphasised the importance of the relationship and the therapist's way of being, because in my opinion, this is one of the most important aspects to consider when choosing a therapist. There are also many other factors you may wish to consider. One really key area is the modality offered, and I write more about this in my next blog, where I explain integrative counselling and some of the areas I cover. Psychology Today also offers some information regarding many (not all) of the modalities.

Other things to consider include: how do you feel about talking therapies? Do you prefer being in the room with someone, or does being online or on the phone feel easier? Does eye contact cause discomfort? Do you dislike the confinement of a room, or feel safer in a small space? Would you rather be outdoors and moving around? Do you like to work creatively? Do you feel you need "tools"? All of these things (and more) are important to think about when working out how you might access therapy. What does your therapist need to be able to offer you for this to feel helpful?

For some people, it might be really important to know that the therapist has experience (professional and/or personal) in a particular area that is relevant to them. You may have a specific issue you need help with. For example, I have significant experience in the area of adoption, special guardianship and fostering. I have supported and worked with children who have experienced early trauma and neglect, the birth parents whose child/ren are no longer living with them, and the adoptive parents/carers/special guardians who are re-parenting. I also have experience of neurodivergence (particularly Autism and ADHD) and gender identity, as well as climate-related concerns. When you go on to a therapist directory, you can often use a filter to look for someone who has experience with the specific issue you are needing support with.

In addition to their experience, check out the therapist's qualifications. If they are not advertised, ask them and check. Furthermore, although not a prerequisite, if they belong to a membership body, this means that there will be some oversight and recourse for you if you are not happy. Being part of a membership body also determines that the therapist has the necessary qualifications. Look for evidence of the membership body on their website or directory profile. I am with the BACP (British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy) and am also a member of the Theraplay Institute.

Lastly, many people seek recommendations. This may be really useful and the therapist may offer what you need. I would add some caution to this, as you are not the same person as the person making the recommendation. Therefore, if you are following up on a recommendation, do try and speak with the therapist, as you would any other. My best experience of therapy was not from a recommendation and my worst, as you can probably guess, came from a recommendation. Do listen to your gut.

To put this in a summary:

• Consider the issue or issues that you are needing help with (single or multiple issues).

• Think about the ways in which you may wish to access therapy.

• Read websites or directory profiles to see who you most connect with.

If you get the chance, meet them online or on the phone and get a sense of who they are and how this may feel for you. Shop around - it's important for you to feel comfortable and happy with your therapist.

I wish you all the best in finding your therapist, and hope that this blog gave you some food for thought. If you would like to speak to me about the therapy I offer, including Theraplay®, walk and talk therapy, nature therapy, online counselling, and face-to-face counselling in Milton Keynes, Bedfordshire and Northamptonshire, please feel free to contact me at:

pippa@riverwaytherapies.co.uk. I offer a free discovery call. I look forward to hearing from you.

Footnotes:

(1) There a number of counselling directories available, two of the best-known ones being Counselling Directory and Psychology Today. There are also more specialist ones for specific areas, such as Pink Therapy and the Safe Space Alliance, for LGBTQIA+ support and expertise, as well as The Theraplay Institute and other modality-specific sites.

(2) Please see www.apa.org/monitor/2019/11/ce-corner-relationships and www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK608012/ for more information regarding the therapeutic alliance as crucial to therapeutic outcomes.

(3) Attachment relates to a child's relationship to their primary caregiver, and how they learn to adapt accordingly (leading to Attachment "Styles"). Attachment Theory has been further developed since John Bowlby's original theory and has been integrated into many other modalities.